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He's being extra secretive. When your husband suddenly has a change in his privacy attitude -- all of a sudden you're not supposed to know his whereabouts or who he's talking to on the phone and it's not close to your birthday, anniversary or upcoming gift-giving holiday -- he may be having an affair.

How does this work?

There is a change in the emotional quality of your relationship. This may be shown as your partner is unengaged or overly engaged. We all go through emotional changes, like the weather. However, you may notice that your partner's attitude has changed toward you over time; they may have become more self-absorbed and less interested in you or the relationship. Often, your partner may reject your offers of affection. Your best approach here is to pay attention and be curious.

21 Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair

He's extremely angry. Anger and criticism that borders on cruelty is hard to take for all of us.

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Your partner may treat you with rudeness or impatience. He may be more controlling and more critical than usual. You may sense an increase in the degree of unhappiness in your spouse that is difficult to understand. With some partners, you may actually see an increase in happiness as a result of being involved in an affair.

You notice an increase in his work or his time spent away from home. Work can be demanding. During these times of economic stress, most workplaces are demanding more and more from their employees. Workplace relationships can develop into romantic relationships simply because the amount of time spent together on a common task tends to bond people together. If your partner has trouble with boundaries, this could lead to a problem for your relationship. He pays an unusual amount of attention to his appearance.

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This would be especially telling if up until now, your partner has not shown much attention to his appearance. If your partner is having an affair, he has found a new source of love and affection. Looking good for his paramour is very important. He's overly defensive.

Defensiveness exists for many reasons.

You think they're cheating. But how can you know for sure?

In the past, were you able to discuss issues openly and calmly? What you are looking for here is an increase in the normal amount of defensiveness. His appearance has changed. Your partner, who previously dressed conservatively, is now suddenly buying designer boxer shorts and more trendy clothes. Or, your partner, who never spent much time grooming himself, is now fussy about how his hair looks and uses grooming products he's never used before.

His behavior has changed. Your partner, who usually avoided office parties and events, is now constantly attending them "for the sake of his career. Or, your partner who usually is home for dinner every night now "works late" and takes more frequent "business trips.

Are you seeing any of these behaviors in your spouse?

His attitude has changed. Your laid back partner seems to have been injected with unusual enthusiasm, seems more happy, alive, energetic and is more kind and loving towards you, too. He may buy you more gifts and shower you with surprises, which, until now, has not been his natural character. He wants less "we time" and more "me time.

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Now, you are noticing a shift from "we" to your partner wanting much more "me" time. You aren't included to the degree you used to be in your partner's extra-curricular activities. News Politics Entertainment Communities. HuffPost Personal Videos Horoscopes. Part of HuffPost News. If she refuses to offer adequate reassurance or to become accountable until security reestablishes itself, she demonstrates a lack of concern about continuing the marriage.

If you fear that your spouse is straying due to rational clues and proof, and she does not offer reassurance and accountability to provide you peace, there are steps you can take to investigate. However, before taking those steps, please understand the potential negative consequences.

20 Warning Signs of a Cheating Husband Which Defines an Extra Marital Affair

Private detectives, phone line recorders, software to record keystrokes, GPS trackers, and more offer means to discover everywhere your spouse goes and everything he does. Using any or all of them may gather evidence of cheating and unfaithfulness. If you wish to catch your spouse and use the information to get a divorce that favors you financially or otherwise, they work well. If it is because you want to save your marriage that you desire knowing whether your spouse is cheating, using any of these tools may do more harm than good.

If your spouse is cheating and you catch him, expect him to react angrily and with great offense. Though he broke your covenant, he will resent the actions or tools you used to catch him. That does not mean that using those tools makes your marriage unsalvageable, or even that using them would anger him more than catching him accidentally. It does mean that you should not be surprised if he becomes furious that you used them.

If they help you bring the affair to light, perhaps using them is good. If they so offend your spouse that he leaves you, you may have done nothing more than speed his abandoning your for his lover. If they cause him to act rashly, you may have sealed the destruction of a marriage that might have been saved. Unfortunately, there is no possibility of knowing in advance how he might react to your actions.

Expressing yourself is necessary to resolving your doubts; secretly sleuthing is not. I am not stating emphatically that you should not use those methods. However, I am encouraging you to think them through very carefully as you try to know if your spouse is cheating before employing them. If you have the slightest doubt, talk with a wise friend, minister, or counselor before taking such a step.

From my experience with many marriages in crisis, I believe it much wiser to ask, confront, and diligently pursue the truth directly with your mate than to use outside sources, technology, or violation of privacy. However, if you feel you must, proceed with the awareness of possible consequences. What Else Can You Do? If you seriously worry that your spouse is having an affair and are not ready or willing to violate her privacy to discover whether you are correct, I strongly recommend another method.

Insist that she go with you to counseling or to an intensive marriage workshop like ours. Tell her that you cannot be assured until she does, and that you are not making a request but a requirement for the sake of your marriage. If you know a counselor in whom you have confidence, schedule an appointment. However, it carries a strong likelihood.

Signs of a Cheating Husband

During the weekend, for example, people often privately confess their affairs to their spouses, and because they had an entire weekend with trained and skilled helpers, they deal with the affair there. On the other hand, people who doubted their spouses have attended the weekend and left with the reassurance that their doubts were invalid and with the marriage intact. Living in doubt is destructive. Truth sets one free.

The method for learning the truth can make the difference in saving the marriage or ending it forever. If your marriage is in danger of separation or divorce, call us at to speak with someone or use the form below to request more information about our Marriage Helper workshop for troubled marriages. Our success rate over the last decade is saving three out of four marriages, even when adultery, porn, anger, or other things have deeply hurt the relationship!

We will keep everything you tell us completely confidential. Our motivation is to help you determine if this workshop is right for your particular situation. My wife is in abroad for six years when our baby was only about 3 years old. She came back home after 2. But I noticed with proof in her cell phn that she is in relationship with another guy where they work together. But saying I wl return soon leaving all after 3 months, she went leaving me alone. But our communications was decreased less slowly. Ther are staying as living together. We have no communicate now for 1 year. My heart is so breaking now. I beard everything for her. But she betrayed me. Now I want to be separate, I want to leave her freely on her own desires, happiness. In this situation, how can I say about divorce?? Or what are the process or ways to get separate??

Plz suggest me. Thank you. There is evidently a bunch to know about this. I think you made certain good points in features also.